Let It Snow!

I was surprised by two things this weekend: snow and the response of other freeway drivers to the snow. If you know anything about Southern California, you know that it rarely snows. Heck, it rarely rains. So it is always a surprise when the white stuff appears, as it did on Saturday.

Mr. Distortion and I took a trip out to an area at the base of some seriously big mountains (around 12,000 ft.) that separate the ocean from the high desert. We tend to forget that we have such large mountains nearby since the smog and haze often obscure the lovely view of said mountains. I know ... sad. So we weren't thinking snow. We knew about possible rain, but the temps weren't supposed to get down to freezing. Almost freezing, but not quite. Apparently the "not quite" was enough to turn the light rain into lovely white sugar snow. As I stared out the car window on the way home, I was startled to see an empty lot covered in white. This took a moment to register. Snow! Then I noticed it on the roofs of buildings. I began bouncing in my seat and practically yelling at my husband: "Snow! Look at the snow"! A moment later I noticed that the snow was covering the freeway. I went from sheer excitement to an immediate sense of dread. Oh no. It's snowing and we're on the freeway. We're on the freeway with a bunch of other Southern Californians. In the snow. Driving in the snow.

Why this sudden fear? I've experienced So. Cals. driving in the rain and it's scary. Few drivers slow down. I can only assume they prefer to hydroplane their way down the road. They don't drive more carefully, but rather continue to drive as though they are merely playing a video game. They forget the laws of physics (did they ever learn them?) and drive 90 mph as they dart from lane to lane within inches of other cars. After all, in the video game you get a new "car" if you "wreck" and of course no one dies. So. Cal. drivers finally pick up on the idea of adjusting their driving habits to the weather and road conditions after about 3 days of wrecks and freeway closures due to fatal accidents. About the time the drivers adjust to WEATHER, the sun pops out and everything is back to normal. The lessons learned do not stick. It can rain again 2 weeks later and So. Cals. have to start all over with the hydroplaning and car wrecks and freeway closures. So you can see why I shuddered in sudden fear when I saw snow on the freeway.

My husband slowed our speed to accomodate the snow and possible ice and I waited for the cars to begin zooming past us at top speed. And I waited. No one was tailgating. No one was hysterically switching lanes in their quest to gain an advantage. No one was driving down the shoulder of the road spewing gravel and muck in their wake. All was calm and all was white on the interstate. I can only guess that the other drivers were as stunned and as pleasantly surprised as we were to see the snow. It was a true gift of the season to see some snow and, even more, to see my fellow Southern Californians driving carefully as they enjoyed the wonderful scene.

Peace.

Blog? What Blog?

It isn't meant to be a secret. After all, I've created this space that anyone in the world can visit. I don't really use my blog to "tell all" or rant about particular people. Yet I'd rather not share my blog with everyone. OK, I'd rather not share my blog with certain people. It is personal. Even if I do tend to be circumspect in what I say and how I say it, I don't want to overly censor myself; that would take much of the joy out my writing space.

I've shared some of my thoughts and feelings with certain people in the past and have found that they can not be trusted. How do I know this? Well, people tend to talk and stories tend to make their way back full circle and I find myself explaining (sometimes to mere acquaintances) that "no, that is not what I said/meant/think; who or what gave you that idea"? I can track most of these "stories" back to their source. You can imagine my dismay to find that someone has managed to twist what I said, added a little of their own imaginative thinking, and spread this around as gospel truth. Somehow they think they have the inside track on my psyche since I shared something with them. So I no longer share my thoughts and feelings with these people. I'm guessing that they might make up even more imaginative "stories" about me since they lack any real insights, but I can live with that more easily than I can live with what I consider a breach of trust.

So, you've probably guessed by now that this little rant has not come out of thin air. Something happened.

It happened recently. One of my blog posts was mentioned. This mention prompted someone else (who hitherto had been in the dark about my blogging) to pounce on the topic of blogging and ask for the URL to my blog. I mumbled something vague and changed the topic immediately. I'm hoping that my blog will be forgotten. Yes, I'm counting on the "brain fade" factor. Realistically I don't expect this reprieve to last forever and will need to make a decision on how I will handle this situation. Here are a few options I will consider:

1. Give the person the URL and let them think and say what they will.
2. Look the person in the eye and say, "Blog? What blog"?
3. Point the person to my boring professional blog.
4. Tell the person that I write my blog posts for a certain community of readers, which is essentially saying ...
5. "No, I don't want to share my blog with you."
   

A person very sympathetic to my dilemma suggested I create a fake blog. I love this idea! A blog stand-in!

So, what would you do?

It's Not Fair...

I was reading over at The Amazing Shrinking Mom's website today, and she hit on something I've been whining about now for weeks. Namely, the less you weigh the less you need to eat. That is just not fair ... but that is the way it works. I've recently lost a good chunk of weight and, as it turned out, the more weight I lost the less food I needed. So now that I'm on the maintenance plan I get about the same amount of food to maintain my weight as I previously got to lose the weight. On the bright side of things (uh-huh), in the event of worldwide famine I will not need as much food to survive as others. Ok, back to reality now.

According to my doctor, I shouldn't weigh more than 120 pounds. I currently weigh about 5 pounds less than that (more or less, depending on the time of month). I'm allowed about 1100 calories a day in order to maintain that weight. That. Isn't. Very. Much. Food. Can you hear the desperation here??? So a new plan of action is needed.

I will re-discover exercise and weight training. Building up some muscle mass has never seemed like so much fun. Ok, so not really fun so much as I will really really like the pay-off. Yes, I will work out so I can have a few more calories a day. I'm not a big eater, but I do like food and enjoy events that revolve around food. Anyone for a wine and cheese tasting? How about some dark chocolate? Yum-o.

So, wish me luck. I'm not an extremely disciplined person, but I'm learning that there is often a pay-off. I managed to lose the weight so I know I can muster up enough self-discipline for a little exercise -- right after I watch a few episodes on the Food Network.

News Break from BREAKING NEWS

Seems like everything is BREAKING NEWS on some 24 hour news channels these days. It used to be if you heard the NEWS ALERT gong come from the TV it meant that something important just happened. Like someone just launched missiles at someone else. Now it seems that the gong goes off every 15 minutes or so and if you are gullible enough to run into the other room to see what is happening, your efforts are rewarded with something like "BREAKING NEWS: THE PRESIDENT IS AT THE WHITE HOUSE"!! Gee, really? The only thing that beats the hyperactive NEWS ALERT gong is the number of car chases that pre-empt scheduled programming in Southern California.

Then there are the FAIR AND BALANCED hostility sessions. I'm all for fair and balanced reporting. But it seems to me that the 24 hour news format for presenting conflicting sides of an issue rarely works and often degenerates into an on-air screaming match between said sides. If I wanted to watch Jerry Springer I wouldn't be tuned in to the news. I guess I have higher expectations from the news channels that are supposed to be bringing us news.

Of course, since the advent of 24 hour news there is an expectation that there will be news. So what's a station to do if there is no new news? Well, you rehash the same story about 5,000 different ways until you get a DEVELOPING STORY. Then you hit the NEWS ALERT gong and let everyone know that there is a DEVELOPING STORY. A DEVELOPING STORY is one in which "nothing has really happened yet, but ... might at any moment, and ... we'll be there if it does." This is the news equivalent of waiting for your elderly dog to finish his business ... nothing really happening, but it might.

So I've turned it off. I'm taking a BREAKING NEWS break. It may even be permanent. I still think it's important to be aware of what is happening in the world around me, so I've found a new ... well, actually a rather old ... way to get my news. It's called the newspaper. Ah, the smell of ink and paper in the morning. Anyway, I figure that if something REALLY BIG happens it will appear on the front page of the paper AND in the local news AND on the radio. Heck, everyone at work will probably be talking about it, so I'm sure I won't get left out.

Now where did that cartoon section go ...

Of Seasons and Marketing

This last week Kvetch, over at Kvetch Blog, wrote a piece called A Fond Adieu to the White Shoe and got me thinking about the seasons as a state of mind. As she puts it, seasons can be "meteorological or theoretical." For some, the seasons definitely tie in nicely with reality. For the rest of us? It's all in the head.

Having grown up in the deserts of Arizona and now living in Southern California, I have no reason to expect traditional seasonality. Here is what I SHOULD expect:

the not-hot-but-might-get-hot-any-minute-OR-might-rain season

the not-hot-and-probably-won't-get-hot-everything's-blooming-allergy season

the hot-hotter-than-hell-aren't-we-in-hell-smog-and-fire season

the hotter-than-hell-but-everyone-wants-to-pretend-it's-cool-and-crispy season

That's MY reality. If you need a translation, talk to an Angeleno.

OK, now that we've got Southern California seasonal expectations all sorted out, let's talk about marketing. Listen up you department store people. Do you really think we don't notice that the weather here rarely gets below 50 degrees fahrenheit?? What is with the bulky sweaters, three-layer look, and parkas rated for 30 below zero? A few stores that specialize in these cold weather items would be nice since some of us travel out of state or go to the mountains and play in the snow when it is available ... but ENTIRE MALLS FULL OF THIS STUFF??? We've got your number. You are $$banking$$ on our ancestral memories of actual seasons. And for those who don't have the ancestral-memory-thingy going on, there is always media reinforcement. Gorgeously photographed catalog depictions of laughing people wearing turtleneck sweaters as they frolic among multi-colored leaves and pumpkins. Or Scandinavian models hanging out in forests full of snow in their fur-trimmed snow boots and parkas. OR indoor shots of huggy couples in front of blazing fireplaces wearing heavy flannel, wool booties, and holding steaming mugs of, well ... something hot.

Since I don't live in any of the places depicted in these photographs, I'm lucky if I get to pull out some fall or winter wear for ... oh ... about a week before waking up one December morning to the radio telling me it will be a sunny 95 degrees out. If I was S-T-O-O-P-I-D enough to actually pack away my warm weather clothing, I will spend a frantic morning trying to find something to wear that won't send me into heat stroke the moment I walk out the front door.

Well, it is September ... and as I hear from friends that live in more traditionally seasoned areas of the country about the "nip in the air," I laugh while the Fall catalogs pour into my Southern California mailbox trying to tempt me into buying for the season. It is 103 degrees out. Can you hear me laughing?

"Cell Phones Ringing in the Pockets of the Dead" - Willie Nile

What a strange image this line conjures up. I recently purchased the new Willie Nile CD and took it with me on a road trip up the coast. As I drove along enjoying the music, I suddenly focused in on the lyrics to hear dear Willie singing about cell phones ringing in the pockets of dead people. Hmmm.... How charming.

Of course I was driving, so I couldn't read the song lyrics without becoming a major road hazard. I really don't relish the thought of causing a major SigAlert. When I got to my destination, I reached for the CD case to peruse the lyrics of this most intriguing and disturbing song. But, alas ... in my fervor to keep the clutter down on this trip, I had pulled my CDs out of their cases and inserted the whole mess into a tidy CD notebook -- without the inserts that include lyrics and liner notes. I was just going to have to wait until I got home later in the week. In the meantime, the phrase "cell phones ringing in the pockets of the dead" just wouldn't leave me alone.

As I've mentioned in a previous post, I don't carry a cell phone. This was just one more reason not to carry one of these insidious devices. "YOU MEAN THAT THING'S GONNA RING EVEN WHEN I'M DEAD???"

If you know me, you know that I try hard not to be immediately and always available. I spend most of my days being immediately and always available. Sometimes I just need to be unavailable. After all, how else will I be able to concentrate on writing rants about cell phones if I have to keep answering a phone? I've got voicemail; I've got email; I check them repeatedly throughout most days. This is connected enough.

Then there is a little thing I find so very important. It's called "giving someone my full attention." When I'm having lunch or coffee with someone, I like to be fully present to that person. They deserve it. When I'm driving, I like to be fully present to others on the road. They deserve it. I think you can see where I'm headed with this. I'm all for multi-tasking when necessary, but do we really need to multi-task our relationships?

Well, enough ranting about why I don't carry a cell phone. Back to Willie's song. When I got home, I pulled the lyrics out and read them. I read them again. I finally went online to see what Willie himself had to say about his song. I was stunned. I'd been singing the refrain at the top of my lungs every time I'd listened to it. I'd had bizarre Bradbury-esque images float into my head. The song even got me thinking about my own personal rant, which you've just read. Willie was writing a commentary, but not about cell phones. He had something much more important on his mind when he wrote this song. He wrote this song for the victims of terrorism. Like many of us, he is saddened that people can't get along ... yet he understands how tough this seemingly simple act of getting along with each other really is. In Willie's words, "... [if] we'd try to help each other in all the different countries, it would still be tough. It would still be tough. But man makes it so hard."

To read what Willie Nile had to say about the writing of this song, see his interview at http://www.puremusic.com/63willie4.html.

Driving in my car...

"Angelenos were loners in their cars. That was the point of living in the city, to have a car and drive alone." from The Magician's Assistant

This quote really grabbed me. The character who has this thought is an Angeleno through-and-through and thinks nothing of driving inordinate distances at any time day-or-night in any kind of traffic no matter how hellish. I immediately recognized many of my friends, acquaintances and the not-so-acquainted in this statement.

I did not grow up in Southern California (aka Los Angeles) and do not think of my car as another bodily appendage. I view driving in traffic as one of Dante's special levels of hell, though I'm not sure what I've done to deserve this. I guess just living here is enough to qualify. I do not ... hear me DO NOT ... commute on a daily basis. I've managed to avoid "the daily commute" for 27 years of So-Cal living. I do not leave town on holidays or Friday afternoons and I do not return to town on Sunday afternoons or evenings. Doing this exactly one time told me all I need to know about freeway parking lots.

However ... OK people ... here it comes ... I have lately been required to drive into L.A. in rush hour traffic in order to attend VIMs (very i-m-p-o-r-t-a-n-t meetings). The first few VIMs left me exhausted and swooning for days. The next round found me oddly numb to the driving experience. Lately I've found myself almost looking forward to the commute. I've managed to get into the commuter ZONE. I collect some favorite CDs, make sure I have my XM radio plugged in, get a nice big coffee to go and plug myself into a slot on the freeway. I'm starting to see this as an opportunity to "hang out" for a couple of hours and have coffee with a million or so of my commuter friends (whatever works for ya honey). Quite honestly this is now where some serious thinking gets done. Since I don't carry a cell phone (that's another post) I can't be interrupted. I keep a small recorder with me in the car in case I get writing inspiration -- simply dictate and transcribe later. And of course there is always the alone-in-my-car karaoke event.

I'm still far from becoming "the happy commuter" posterchild, but I've found a way to turn the experience into something positive that doesn't raise my blood pressure and shorten my lifespan. Maybe one day I'll even evolve into an Angeleno.